gosh.. i'm so depressed.. not because my play is over.. but because of this UK trip thingy..i mean i was so excited to go on the trip in the beginning.. but now it's sounding less and less fun.. and they've been having more and more meetings on days when i can't make it.. and they say this should be my priority.. yes that would b in the ideal world.. but lately i've been doing so much more in the kindergarten that it's almost impossible to get out more often.. even for my play i could not direct due to the fact that i just did not have the time to do so..

i really dunno what to do.. i'm in such a dilemma now.. i know they are all pissed off with me for not being there for this life time opportunity.. yes it is a life time opportunity .. but i also have my career to think about.. my parents need me at work.. and i can't just keep cancelling due to the fact that parents do not like it.. i mean say for example u r paying for something and it keeps getting cancelled or moved.. what would u say? of cos u'd be peeved with the teacher..

i just don't get it why they can't have meetings on days other days.. yes it does sound selfish to be wanting that.. but most of the others are not working.. still studying.. which means that they have more free time than those that work.. isn't that logical? i dunno.. maybe i'm being unreasonable..

oh well.. tomorrow nite.. 9pm.. i'm probably gonna get into deep trouble for not being at the meetings.. i need to keep a straight face.. not cry.. dun break down..listen to them.. let them talk more than me.. i mean no matter what i say they are going to take it the wrong way anyways and argue back.. so what's the point of arguing?

maybe i shouldn't have put my classes at night.. but that's my income .. is it too much to ask for that i have to earn a living? i dunno.. well tonite there is gonna be no sleep for me again.. i'm gonna be sooooo nervous.. how ah..

too many things have changed.. maybe i'm just in a different zone from all these others.. as i talked to some frens earlier.. maybe they are just too into what they are doing to see the big picture at times.. when i compare them to my Livewire buddies.. they fall flat all the time.. my Livewire crew are just awesome.. i can walk into a room with them and within a few minutes be laughing my head off.. and really having a good time..

i find that i'm not the type of person to stay in a project for a long time.. with Coming out of the closet i found myself wanting to start on the next project just as that one was ending.. maybe i'm the restless type.. hmmm...i dunno..

ok i'm fearing tomorrow's meeting more n more now.. how la like this? i can't sleep now.. crap.. why didn't they sms me in the morning.. i guess tonite is time for a lot of prayers and just trying to find my way thru all this already.. i feel so blind all the time.. need to think clear.. but how to do so if i'm exhausted.. hmmm...